


Sweater Weather

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Feralstuck Trolls, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Foursome - F/F/M/M, Highschoolstuck, Multi, Nobody knows, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Rating May Change, Trolls on Earth, and karkat with a plain troll tail because what does a crab troll look like, based on the song of the same name, eridan doesn't have a moirail though :(, kitty cat nepeta, mentions of pale gamkar pale jadefef and pale meowrails, not sure if i want smut or not, that means seahorse eridan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan invites Karkat, Jade and Nepeta to come stay at Cronus's summer beach house with him for the week while Cronus is away and isn't there to needlessly nanny them.</p><p>Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insane Debauchery

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] opened board on memo VVACILLATION SHENANIGANS--  
CA: listen up plebeians  
CA: i knoww all of you are online because like seriously wwhat better shit do you havve to do  
CA: so get your sumptuous rear muscle seats in here  
\--gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo--  
GG: rear… muscle seats??  
GG: wow thats a new one :p  
CA: exercisin ones extensivve vvocabulary is vvery important jade  
CA: otherwwise you may fall into the habit of only bein able to recall a select fraction of the english language an risk comin off as an uncultured dwweeb  
GG: goodness sakes alive!!!  
GG: we most certainly cant let that happen just think of the children!!!!  
CA: you jest harley but im bein completely earnest here  
GG: thats what worries me  
\--arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo--  
AC: :33< *ac crawls her way into the discussion without alerting her presence to her quarreling quadrantmates. she stalks gg from behind with the silence of a ghost*  
AC: :33< *ac crouches down so that most of her weight is on her front paws and wiggles her mewst adorfurable tush in the air*  
AC: :33< *and then just as gg starts to suspect something may be amiss*  
AC: ac 3< *ac lurches out of the shadows and tackles her matespurrrit to the ground with a warm hug*  
GG: hehehehehe  
GG: *i hug nepeta back and stroke her soft kitty ears*  
AC: :33< *ac curls up like a kitten and purrrs in contentment*  
AC: :33< so what is this m33ting about anyway?  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo--  
CG: KNOWING ERIDAN, IT’S LIKELY SOMETHING HUMILIATINGLY DEBAUCHEROUS OR STRAIGHT OUT THE FUCKING LOONEY BIN INSANE. OR HE MAY SURPRISE US FOR ONCE AND SUGGEST SOMETHING THAT SOMEHOW TURNS OUT TO BE BOTH.  
CA: lovve you too kar  
CG: I MEANT THAT IN AN AFFECTIONATE WAY.  
GG: doesnt make anything that karkat said less true  
AC: :33< i agr33  
AC: :33< this whole thing r33ks of crazy schemes and unwholesome wickedness  
CA: no no nothin like that i promise  
CA: i just had a question for you guys  
AC: :33< ugh i cant chat about concupiscent stuff equius would never let me out of the house again  
CA: i wwasnt goin to ask you about your masturbatory history or anythin jesus fuck nep  
CA: like id be foolish enough to believve any a you wwould agree to that  
GG: wait wait hold up  
GG: nepeta you tell equius what we all talk about together??  
AC: :33< only when he asks  
AC: :33< and he only asks if i act suspicious!  
AC: :33< or if he thinks im acting suspicious anyway…  
CA: wwoww thats sad  
CA: wwhy dont you just lie to him nep  
AC: :33< what!!!!  
AC: :33< i cant lie to equius :((  
CG: SERIOUSLY ERIDAN THAT’S THE WORST IDEA YOU’VE HAD IN MY MOST RECENT MEMORY.   
CA: wwhat wwhy he doesnt havve to knoww  
AC: :33< equius is my meowrail eridan!!! i cant just go around lying to his face thats a huge violation of our conciliatory arrangement >:((  
GG: nepeta is right lying to a moirail is a big no  
GG: im a human and even i get that moirallegiance requires absolute honestly at all times  
CG: THAT’S KIND OF THE WHOLE NAME OF THE GAME, YEAH. THAT’S WHAT MAKES A PALE RELATIONSHIP CONCILIATORY IN THE FIRST PLACE. TO BE SO DISGUSTINGLY INTIMATE WITH ANOTHER PERSON’S HORRIFYING CHARACTER FLAWS, DIRTY SECRETS, AND DOWNRIGHT UNPALABLE BODILY FUNCTIONS THAT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR CONCUPISCENT THOUGHTS.   
GG: eridan this might be why youre the only one of us that doesnt have a moirail  
CA: wwoww harsh  
CA: especially comin from the girl wwho stole my rail  
GG: :(  
AC: :33< but werent you flushed fur fefuri :???  
AC: :33< it s33ms a bit hypurrrcritical to me if youre mad at jade fur taking a meowrail you nefur wanted in the furst place  
CA: it wwas a joke okay jfc  
CG: HILARIOUS JOKE, ERIDAN. ANY FUCKING WAY. NEPETA, WE HAVE TO HELP YOU GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE MORE OFTEN. I’M PUTTING THAT ON MY GODDAMN TO-DO LIST.   
GG: you have a to do list karkat?  
CG: IT’S A METAPHORICAL TO-DO LIST. IT’S BEEN BRANDED TO THE INSIDE OF MY THINK PAN SO I CAN’T MAKE UP LAMEASS EXCUSES ABOUT LOSING A THIN AS FUCK PIECE OF PAPER WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE BEING A CHUMP AND FALLING BACK ON MY RESPONSIBILITIES.  
AC: :33< what else is on your to do list karkat?  
CA: hey hey hey  
CA: time out  
CA: my amazin as fuck surprise has noww been upstaged by the convversational topic of karkats imagined list a chores  
CA: you all need to sort out your priorities stat  
CA: but first listen to me  
CG: OH YEAH, YOU HAD A QUESTION?  
CA: yes  
CA: wwhat are you guys doin ovver easter break  
GG: hmmm  
GG: i hadnt really thought about it yet  
CA: that wwas a trick question  
CA: i already knoww the answwer because all a you are invvited to come spend easter break at my primary biological progenitors summer beach house  
CG: NO THANKS.  
CA: wwhat  
CG: I SEE ENOUGH OF MR. AMPORA AS IT IS. GAMZEE HAS MUSIC CLASS WITH HIM AND OH MY FUCK.  
CG: I HAVE NEVER MET AN ADULT TROLL SO BENT ON BEING A BULGE-FONDLING PUBESCENT ONCE MORE. HE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGES HIS STUDENTS TO CALL HIM *THE CRO*. HE'S THE MALE EQUIVALENT OF THAT WOMAN WITH THE BAD TIT JOB IN MEAN GIRLS.  
CG: I ALSO VOTE HIM MOST LIKELY TO GET CAUGHT BANGING AN UNDERAGED STUDENT.  
GG: i have to second karkats opinion  
GG: sorry eridan but your primary genes giver or whatever gives me goosebumps :(  
AC: :33< same  
AC: :33< i caught him purrrpetually giving fefuris booty lingering glances last year  
GG: ewwwwww  
CA: yeah he needs a bit a help  
CA: but wwho cares it doesnt matter because he wwont evven be there  
CG: ERIDAN, YOU WANT THE FOUR OF US TO SHARE A HOUSE ON THE OCEAN WITH ABSOLUTE FUCKALL SUPERVISION? FOR A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK?  
GG: well you were right karkat  
GG: insane debauchery  
AC: :33< wow eridan  
AC: :33< on a scale from one to pigs growing wings did you really think you had any hope of pulling something like that off  
CA: an you guys call me the pervvert  
CA: i wwasnt suggestin that wwe all strip dowwn an havve a wweek long orgy in the sandy backyard you guys really havve to givve me more credit damn it all to hades asshole  
CA: this only goes to showw wwhat a bunch a blitherin fuckin hypocrites you all are  
CA: kar you just finished sayin wwe need to find some wway to get nep out a the house more an i oh so convveniently provvided a perfect solution  
CA: one wwith highly romantic ovvertones may i bitterly add  
CA: id think that you of all people wwould be swwoonin out a your current choice of ass comfort an onto the floor like the lovve crazed loony wwe all knoww you to be  
CG: I'M NOT DENYING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR PICTURESQUE FANTASY FULFILLMENT YOUR SUGGESTION PRESENTS. UNLIKE YOU, I AM ENOUGH OF A REALIST TO GODDAMN *REALIZE* THAT EXPECTATIONS OF A PICTURE PERFECT ROMANTIC SEA SIDE GET AWAY WILL QUICKLY FALL PREY TO CERTAIN INEVITABLE BULGEBLOCKS.  
CG: LIKE THE RANCID SEXY TIMES MOOD KILLER SOME CALL MORNING BREATH, FOR EXAMPLE.  
GG: karkat has bad morning breath pass it on  
CG: THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID.  
GG: yeah well you sort of made it glaringly obvious anyway :p  
GG: honestly it does sound fun but i do think we should take into account that none of us has actually stayed overnight at each others place before  
GG: except for nepeta and me but that was with a bunch of other girls  
CA: wwait youre sayin you think that this wwill snowwball into some sort a concupiscent marathon  
GG: im saying it could get uncomfortably intimate pretty quickly  
GG: look all that im saying is that we shouldnt pretend its not a possibility because i think we all know that it very well is  
AC: :33< especially since uncomfurtable intimacy is eridans specialty  
CA: i dont knoww wwhy im the only one gettin the third degree kar is just as intolerably personal as i am wwith his countless stream of wwet dream inspired freudian slips  
CG: WOW UH ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
CG: I THINK YOU ARE GROSSLY EXAGGERATING MY PREADOLESCENT SELF'S MISFORTUNATE COMPULSION TO USE HORRENDOUSLY SEXUAL METAPHORS.  
AC: :33< karkat in freshman biology you said orgasm instead of organism exactly seven times ofur the year  
CG: FUCKING SLANDER.  
AC: :33< i can dig my old notebook out of the closet if you want kartitty  
GG: heeheeheehee  
CA: more like kar mantitty  
CG: I FUCKING DESPISE ALL OF YOU FUCKING JERKS. YOU ALL KNOW I BLOAT A BIT OVER WINTER. IT’S FUCKING HYBERNATION INSTINCTS KICKING IN OR SOME SHIT, I DON’T EVEN KNOW.  
AC: :33< plus all the sw33ts that are readily available ofur the holidys  
karkat|: ):B<  
GG: aww karkat you know we all love your floppy male pectorals  
AC: :33< don’t furget about karkats plushy tummy  
AC: :33< it just makes him all the more snugglable and warm and cozy <3 <3  
CG: YOU GUYS ARE STRAIGHT BATSHIT INSANE I HOPE YOU KNOW. BUT IF MY EXTRA PADDING PLEASES MY HIGH AND MIGHTY QUEENS SO MUCH, THEN GO FUCKING ME.  
CA: hey if you guys come ovver to swwim wwell all get to see kar in a bathin suit  
CA: aka naked from the wwaist up  
CA: so cmon are you guys goin to come ovver for amazin romcom summer fun an the ovver loomin threat a devvious polyamorous fun  
CA: or am i goin to havve to spend easter break all alone  
GG: hmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
GG: i guess i could go!  
GG: it does sound like a lot of fun i have to admit  
CG: SURE, WHY NOT. I’M BRINGING MY MOVIES THOUGH. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SORT OF SHITTY TELEVISION “THE CRO” ENTERTAINS HIMSELF WITH, NOR DO I EVER WANT THAT INFORMATION TO BE STORED IN ANY SECTION OF MY THOUGHT SPONGE.  
AC: :33< could you maybe bring chocolat  
AC: :33< ive b33n just dying to s33 it again and i promised that i would show jade but i never got around to it  
CA: sure sure thats all good but youre forbidden from bringin hitch  
CG: HITCH IS THE SHIT.  
CA: i havve seen hitch a purely ludicrous number a times  
CA: an i bet both my facial gills that jade an nep wwould affirm this fact wwith havvin had similar experiences wwith that movvie  
GG: add titanic to the list of forbidden films  
CG: IT’S LIKE ALL OF YOU SHITWADS HAVE TEAMED UP AND ARE HELL BENT ON ABSOLUTELY RUINING MY EASTER VACATION. FINE. I STILL HAVE A WHOLE TREASURE TROVE OF UNAPPRECIATED CINEMA I HAVEN’T SHOWN A SINGLE ONE OF YOU YET.   
CA: its a deal then  
CA: wwere all goin to spend easter break at the beach house  
GG: which week is that on??  
CG: IT’S NEXT WEEK. SO ERIDAN AND I WILL BE FLIPPING FROM FLUSHED TO PITCH, AND YOU AND NEPETA WILL DO THE SAME.   
GG: okay and since i’m pitch with eridan this week that means you and i go flushed next right?  
CG: PRECISELY.  
CA: ummmmmmmmmmm actually  
CG: WHAT.  
CA: i mean i wwas more hopin that wwe could invvoke the special occasions clause in this rotatin flushed-caliginous four wway vvacillation arrangement wwe got  
CG: FOR THE WHOLE WEEK?  
CA: its a holiday technically  
CG: UGH.  
CG: WE’VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THAT BEFORE, THOUGH.  
AC: :33< wait wait wait  
AC: :33< i think this could actually work karkat just think about it  
AC: :33< the four of us can comfurtably swap from red to pitch fur anyone whenefur its most convenient fur us and beclaws it will only be the four of us there will be no one to judge us!!  
AC: :33< i know youre a purrrety big scaredy cat when it comes to messing up the neat little system you set up  
AC: :33< but i dont think it will mess up anything at all!!!  
AC: :33< i think it will allow all of us to become more used to the system as a whole  
AC: :33< its hard to switch f33lings fur someone on schedule  
AC: :33< especially when it comes to me being black fur you karkat  
AC: :33< jade has expressed a similar thing to me about trying to be flushed fur eridan  
CA: wwoww thanks jade  
GG: i cant help it!!! :(  
GG: im used to competing with you all the time  
GG: i had this big black crush on you for like foreeeeeeeever  
GG: its not that i never feel flushed for you or anything its just hard to make me feel one instead of the other  
AC: :33< i f33l the same  
AC: :33< i have crushed on karkat since elementary school  
AC: :33< i was so blinded by my redrom f33lings that i nefur even took into consideration that he even had faults  
GG: oh i get it  
GG: being all together for a week would let us see all the good and all the bad in each other :o  
AC: :33< exactly!!!  
CG: WOW. WELL, SHIT. SOMETIMES I FORGET YOU’RE ACTUALLY QUITE COMPETENT AT UNDERSTANDING QUADRANTS, NEPETA.  
AC: :33< well i do ship in more than one quadrant  
AC: :33< so durr  
CG: PLACING PEOPLE IN FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS DOES NOT REQUIRE EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OR EVEN A FUCKING TINY ASS INKLING OF WHAT REAL ROMANCE IS EVEN LIKE.  
AC: :33< silly me!!  
AC: :33< i should have b33n refurring to your novels instead :pp  
CG: I CAN’T EVEN TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY AS A KISMESIS, NEPETA.  
CG: OKAY, THAT’S IT. WE’RE GOING TO NEED EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THIS WEEK SO I CAN TEACH YOU LOVE IGNORANT SWEATBAGS HOW TO PROPERLY VACILATE OVER THE REDROM-BLACKROM LINE.  
CA: swweet  
CA: its been decided  
CA: that means no take backs ok  
CG: YOU ARE SO GODDAMN JUVENILE, IT ACTUALLY HURTS TO PITY YOU.   
CA: lovve you too kar  
GG: i love/hate you all  
GG: and look forward to next week where i wont have to say that because it still looks stupid to me  
AC: :33< love you jade  
AC: :3< and hate you karkat  
CA: an a big fuck you to jade  
CA: so on an so forth blah blah blah  
CA: okay im shuttin this trainwwreck dowwn before wwe start fillin this memo wwith lovvey dovvey sonnets inscribed from our owwn adolescent pheromones  
\--caligulasAquarium [CA] closed memo on board VVACILLATION SHENANIGANS—


	2. Symbolic Architecture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I randomly remembered this story and how passionate I was about finishing it. So here, finally, is a small update.
> 
> Unfortunately, I've long since lost my notes on where I was hoping this story would go. So I suppose I'll just go with the flow, maybe even go with suggestions, if anyone reading this has any ideas.
> 
> Also, important to note: This story was originally supposed to be a side story for a whole giant au idea I had planned. In this world, humans and trolls share planet Earth, lusii exist but don't parent trolls by themselves. Instead, each troll is raised by the troll who supplies the majority of their genes. (I headcanon that trolls produce young that are near genetic clones of themselves. So Karkat would be raised by the Signless/Kankri, ect ect.) Also, trolls are genetic chameleons who take on the traits of their lusii over time. So feralstuck/furry trolls, essentially.
> 
> Oh, and the entire cast is part of the school drama club. Which was the original focus of the au before I fell prey to the vacillating concupiscent quadrant shipping hell that is erijadekarnep.

NEPETA LEIJON

Nothing but fields of grass and trees are visible outside your window, and you’re seriously starting to suspect that road trips are vastly overrated. It’s not like you didn’t try to make it fun! Earlier, you had bought a bunch of road trip games. They came in plastic tubes, and when Jade, Feferi and you opened them up, they had a bunch of items useful for a variety of fun activities inside of them. 

There was madlib games, crosswords, miniature dice for a miniature game of yahtzee, and a list of fun car ride games. It had entertained all of you, not including Equius, who was driving, for the last four or five hours.

Now you were starting to feel slightly carsick, and no one had exchanged a word with anyone else for the last forty-five minutes. 

Maybe when you finally arrived, IF you ever arrived, you would make a fuss about the summer house being so far away from your hometown. You had assumed it would have been closer, seeing as your town was practically already on the ocean already, give or take an hour car ride. This was not a simple trip down to the beach. 

On the bright side of things, Equius decided to take a road near the sea, and Feferi was extremely entertained just staring out the window at the waves as they drove.

Jade had the middle seat, between Feferi and you, which was definitely the worst place to sit. Maybe you should offer your seat to her at the next pit stop, so she doesn’t have to just sit there all curled up, her elbows pressed into to her sides as she plays a game on her phone. Then again, she doesn’t seem to be getting carsick at all. Speaking of…

“Equius,” you finally speak up as you feel your stomach give an uncomfortable lurch at a sharp turn, “could we open the windows now? We’re not on the highway anymore, and I’m starting to feel a bit ill.”

Equius’s reflection in the rearview mirror glances up to meet your eyes, even though you can’t see his past his silly shades. “Ah, of course,” he says, the concern in his voice pretty obvious to anyone that spends a heck of a lot of time with him, which sadly only includes you. “Go right ahead, Nepeta. I will turn off the ac.”

The moment you see his fingers turn the knob to cut off the air conditioner, you start to roll your window down. You are happy to notice that Equius does the same with his own window. 

“Oooh, this is a good idea,” Feferi says, and soon her window is open too, “Just smell that sweet ocean breeze!”

You have to admit it does smell really nice. You raise your nose to take in a large breath of fresh air. The smell of salt is familiar and comforting. It’s so nice that you almost don’t notice Jade has placed a hand near your knee, right above where your shorts end. She appears to remember the last time she touched your bare leg around Equius all too well, and the memory makes you want to giggle, if it wouldn’t seem so foolish and out of place!

“Are you okay?” Jade asks you, and she reaches into the large hiking backpack she has sitting all snug between her legs to grab her water bottle. “You may be dehydrated. Do you want some water?”

Water, your suddenly dry mouth signals, is a really good idea. “Thank you,” you purr, taking the water bottle and sipping at it slowly, so as not to disturb your stomach. You don’t notice the taste for how good it feels going down your throat, none too frigid, none too warm. “Ahhh,” you say when you put the bottle down to cap it, “I didn’t even notice that I was thirsty!”

“That happens sometimes,” Jade replies with a smile, “Pesky body, neglecting to alert us to significant physical needs.”

Feeling a whole lot better, you snuggle up against Jade’s side, and she happily accommodates you with her arm as she wraps it over your shoulders. “It doesn’t make sense,” you agree with her after you finish yawning into the back of your hand, “Our bodies can fight germs but can’t be counted on to tell us when we’re low on water. It is _furrr_ ustratingly inconsistent!” 

At that, you manage to make Jade laugh, and her lips press against your forehead as she does. You can feel the vibration of her laughs against your skin like plucks on harp strings.

You don’t have to look up at the mirror again to know Equius is watching the two of you interact, but you glance up to confirm it anyway. He looks away when you give him a smile. No, Equius, you aren’t being cruelly deflowered in the backseat. You promise. 

“Heiress,” Equius speaks up, surprising her from admiring the view, “Is this land familiar to you?”

Ever since Equius crushed the last GPS the two of you owned, you’ve gotten used to relying on more traditional methods of navigation. (It was possible for Equius to create his own GPS, he had told you, but he had yet to find someone to volunteer to be the recorded voice. You dreaded the day you became Equius’s last option.) So for this trip, you’ve had to rely solely on Feferi’s sense of direction. And that included Karkat and Gamzee, who were tailing you in the neon paint decorated van behind you. 

“I told you, you don’t have to cull me Heiress! Oh, and shore,” Feferi replies, and you can practically hear the pun, even though it doesn’t sound much different, “Mark my words, any minnowte now we’re going to sea— yes, there!”

Everyone immediately looks to where Feferi is pointing off into the ocean, even Equius, although he quickly trains his eyes back on the road. Coming around the cliffs as you were, slowly an old and weathered lighthouse was coming into view, gorgeous and tall. “That lighthouse is just a twenty minnowte walk or so from Cronus’s beach house. We’ll sea it soon, it’s hidden behind that house there!”

You’re so close to your destination! Jade squishes you into her side, and you give a gentle affectionate mewling sound.

“That… is a most exquisite architectural structure,” Equius put in, his breath turning somewhat… weird, like when he was about to start sweating. Ewwwww. You ready your pap hand, just in case. “You must admit that when it comes to buildings, lighthouses are superior in terms of visual appeal.”

Feferi’s head whips to him so fast you get worried for her neck, and Jade seems to feel the same, because she puts her free hand on the back of it. “I didn’t know you were a fan of lighthouses, Equius!”

Neither did you. “I’ve nefur heard you talk about lighthouses before,” you put in, “Or architecture fur that matter.” You sort of already know where this is going, and lean forward onto the back of his chair, even if that means lifting your butt off the seat a bit. (Jade gives it a sneak pat, but your sly ninja face betrays nothing.) “Just hold on, now. I believe that things just aren’t adding up. There is a piece of the puzzle missing. How purrplexing… I suspect that there is more than meets the eye to Mr. Sweaty Face’s sudden and unexpected interest in lighthouses. Spill it, Equius.”

“I am hiding nothing, Nepeta,” Equius snaps at you, but the glistening of his brow tells a different story, “I omitted some details, because I am well aware that none of you will take me seriously, because you are immature and cannot appreciate the nobler things in life.”

Ugh, you hated whenever he got all uppity on you like this. Instead of asking him to reveal said omitted details, you just give his shoulder a tap. And then another tap. And then another.

Equius does not take a single finger off the wheel at any given moment. He knows this, and you know this. His eyes meet yours, and you’re close enough now that you can see them glaring coldly at you behind the shaded lenses. You think up a song, some random K-Pop tune that gets stuck in your head often, and start taping out the rhythm on the same spot on his shoulder. All you have to do is counter his scowl with a smug grin, and Equius admits defeat. 

“This should not come to a surprise to you, Nepeta,” Equius says between harshly clenched teeth, “I have always be a fan of the finer arts. A lighthouse is no Eiffel Tower, I must admit, but in many ways the simpler and more humble design has a beauty of its own. It just goes to show that some things remain timeless, such as the never ending fascination with phallic imagery. It is the oldest art form.”

He was right. It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise, but you can’t help but groan anyway. “Gross, Equius. Now whenefur I look at lighthouses all I’ll ever see are purrivate parts.” Jade allows you to flop back against her like before. 

Feferi giggles, “Not all lighthouses are phallic in nature! But yeah, the majority of them are. But they’re not meant to look exactly like bulges, just indicative of them. It’s symbolic of strength.”

The car kind of goes quiet after that. Equius is sputtering, as though he doesn’t know what to say. You should have brought more towels.

“That is exactly what I have been trying to say,” he finally manages, breathy and faltering, “For years, I have been trying to convey that very concept to my moirail, to no avail. Thank you, Heiress, for putting my thoughts into such eloquent summarized form.”

“You don’t have to cull me Heiress, silly,” Feferi chirps back.

It’s like you just walked into an episode of the Twilight Zone. You cannot believe Feferi agrees with Equius about this. You feel Jade’s breath tickle your ear, which flicks back in annoyance of its own accord, before you notice her move.

“It’s still just a dick to me,” Jade whispers, and you giggle, causing Equius to heave a large, frustrated sigh.

The beach house finally, _finally_ comes into view. You get out your phone to text Karkat and let him know that you made it, and no, you aren’t going to end up stranded in some nameless desert and become buzzard food.

\--

ERIDAN AMPORA

Damn, were you glad when you heard Equius’s familiar clunky family-inherited jeep turn down your driveway. Gamzee’s freakshow of a Scooby Doo-esque hippie fan wasn’t any easier on the eyes, but none of that mattered because you had been going out of your mind!

This home away from home was, well, never much of a home to you. Ever since Fef and you broke up, you hadn’t much of a reason to come down here. It’s kind of stupid that the first time you come back, Feferi ends up coming, too, but only because she’s all palewise paired up with one of your rotational vacillating matesprits. It was ironic, the kind of irony that hurt right down deep in the part of your blood-pusher that thought you were over all of this, like, two years ago.

All those thoughts stay locked in the back of your think pan, though, because the door on Nepeta’s side is opening even before the jeep slows to a complete stop. 

Nepeta tumbles out, somehow ending up on her feet gracefully despite everything, and Jade follows after with the natural clumsiness of a human carrying a ridiculously oversized bag. Equius was ranting about Nepeta’s carelessness from the front seat, but no one paid him any mind, much less his moirail herself as she leapt into your arms for one of her usual aggressively affectionate hugs. 

“Nep, it’s only been like two days since we’we seen each other,” you point out, but she remains undeterred by your apparent apathy as per usual, and plants a big wet kiss right onto your lips.

Oh. Well, you guess you’re cool with this. You vaguely register hearing Equius cry something along the lines of “Debauchery!” but that doesn’t matter because Nepeta keeps her kisses chaste all the time anyway, and she’s out of your arms again before you know it. Thankfully, Jade fills the void Nepeta left behind, and she yanks _you_ over to _her_ for the kiss.

The kiss is more awkward buck teeth than lips, which means Jade is still acting like your kismesis for the time being. But that’s alright. Once Equius, Feferi and Gamzee left, the real fun could begin.

“Beautiful house,” Jade says, taking a few steps back to take it all in.

Behind her, Gamzee’s van slowed to a stop. Karkat came out casually, masking what excitement you were convinced he felt. After all, this was going to be a romantic as hell vacation. How could he not be excited?

Gamzee got out of the driver’s side, waving a lazy hello in your direction. “Yo, Eribro.” His drawling voice never fails to rub you the wrong way. “Bitchtits summer cabin you got there.”

“That’s what I was saying!” Jade runs an energetic circle around Gamzee, and he laughs and scoops her up with one arm. He does it for her all the time, and it never fails to make Jade burst into hysterical giggles and kick her legs up in the air like a kid on a tire swing.

While he puts Jade back down on her feet, Karkat is finally close enough to kiss you.

His cheeks are red and warm even before you touch his face, and when you do, he immediately closes his eyes and tips his chin up towards you. You pause, if only for a nanosecond, to admire the way his lips are forming a cute little O. Then you give him what he wants, leaning down to press your mouth to his.

You pull away slowly, like it’s difficult to do, and Karkat turns to putty in your hands. It’s fuckin’ adorable.

“I’m glad you came,” you tell him, because it’s true, and because the sappier you act, the more kisses you’ll get. 

“Yeah, well I wasn’t going to let you have a whole week alone with the girls,” Karkat shoots back, “Who knows what weird shit you’d introduce them to without my supervision, and then Equius would kill you, and it would just snowball into a whole lot of other shitty scenarios I’m not feeling creative enough to—”

His mini-tirade is interrupted by Nepeta leaping onto his shoulders, and he hunches forward, groaning theatrically.

“Nepeta, what are you—”

Nepeta puts a finger to his lips, and Karkat scowls unhappily at her. “Don’t go purrtending you’re here for our supurrvision, Karkitten! If I wanted my actions to be monitored this week, I’d have asked Equius to stay with us.”

Her behemoth moirail clears his throat loudly. “I would accept that hypothetical invitation, for the record.” 

“Well, sorry, but that inwitation is not goin’ to be offered,” you say quickly, before Equius guilt trips Nepeta into letting him stay. “This is a concupiscent couples only kind a wacation. No moirails allowed.”

Feferi touches Equius’s arm before he can reply. “Don’t eel too down and out aboat it, Equius! We got Valentine’s Day with our morayeels, didn’t we? Now it’s time for us to return the favor. Bassides, if you trust Nepeta, then you have nothing to fear! Eridan and Karkat aren’t going to force her into anyfin she doesn’t want.”

Her words, surprisingly, seem to work miracles. Equius still looks tense, of course, but doesn’t he always? What matters is that he gives a slow nod and says, “Those are all fair points, Heir— uh, Feferi.”

Jade gives Feferi a discreet thumbs-up.

“Alright,” you say, “How about we all stop standin’ around like losers an get all the luggage an shit inside? I didn’t assign specific rooms for anyone, so just grab whichever one you want, I guess.”

“Wait, we all get our own room?” That was Nepeta, who shared her room with Equius. (Since their guardian genetic clones were also moirails, the two trolls shared a household, as did Karkat and Kanaya.)

\--

JADE HARLEY

It takes about thirty minutes for everyone to get themselves set up. The house is ginormous. The sheer amount of unused rooms is just the tip of the iceberg. The rooms are taller than you’re used to, and every room has the same nautical surferboy theme, which makes memorizing the layout a tad harder than usual. At least it’s all one floor, with a back porch with the most beautiful view you’ve ever witnessed.

Once you’ve finished unpacking the basics, Feferi, Gamzee and Equius head on home, and it suddenly hits you. You’re in a gorgeous dream house, in a beautiful tropical location, all alone save for three friends you’re romantically entangled with.

You’re looking out the window, watching Equius’s car disappear around a bend in the road, when everyone goes kind of quiet.

Between the chaos of senior year of high school, dealing with difficult college decisions, the drama club, and Nepeta’s insanely early bedtime, it’s not often that all four of you get to spend time together, without other friends or moirails tagging along for the ride. It’s strange and new, but also deeply thrilling.

“So,” you decide to break the ice, “What do we do first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what should these crazy kids do first? And should this story earn itself an explicit rating?


End file.
